Oddest places

That moment when you find god while crying in a bathroom stall.

Really?!

Congratulation on having THE most passive aggressive statuses and posts that are obviously about me. There are a lot of four letter words I'd like to say to you, but that would just tear me down to your level. That is just not happening.

You might think some people are your friend but its when you purposely drift apart that shows their true colors.
And that is why I do not like talking to you very much anymore.

Footsteps of Our Fathers

How wonderful it is
to see a father
and a son.
Following right behind
His old man.
At times, wanting
to pass but fearing
the uncharted waters ahead.

They walk one by one
toward a common goal.
Step by step,
Foot by foor
he teaches son.

And when the time comes
and he can no longer
walk by his son's side,
he will rest and happily watch
As his son meets their goal.

The Beginning of the End

Your mouth is full of empty promises
words that have no meaning.
Do you see what you are making?
Do you see what you are destroying?
Blind when i need you to see most
Deaf when I want you to hear what I say

Back turned
you're headed for the door
I will not stop you
like the many times I did before

Our title is a lie.
We are not best friends.
No, I do not want to hang out with your best friend
No, I do not want to drive out to East Bumblefuck to see you
No, I will not partake in your agenda to propagate hate
Are you insane?

I look back on the times we spent
laughs we shared
but tears I shed.
I am just a placeholder
I always was.
Well this book is growing a spine
and turning to a new page.

Labyrinth poem 2

I've walked this path 100 times
But I hope for 100's more
To listen to the woodpecker peck
And feel the presence on Her shore

The breeze welcomes me to this place
For which I hope to stay
She makes me be and feel and hear
ALL he has to say.
I've strayed so far from the fount
That has given me so much strength

But now, I am back
Alive again.
hoping to forever remain
So ill listen once more
To the birds and their cries
As they more my leaving here
But I know I will return
Next time with different stories to tell.

Labyrinth poem 1

I sometimes with I were alone
Completely and utterly alone
Away from the noise
The bickering ...
Left only with the songs
of the crickets and the birds.

But more times than not,
As I listen to the leaves
Crinkle under my weight
I am happy with the company I keep.

Be Warned, Unfiltered Feelings Ahead

I just don't get it, but I do get it. Why I do not understand is the Why's of everything. Why can't I know? Why won't they tell me? Why am I being asked questions I do not know the answer to? This is what I do not get.
I perfectly know what confidentiality is and what its "Terms and Conditions" are. I do not need to be told, "I'd tell you but its confidential" seven hundred thousand times (I apologize for the dramatics in the previous statement. I was only actually told this about 5 to 7 times. But nonetheless it has still sent me into a angry frenzy of sorts)
 I feel like they think I cannot be trusted with information of whatever caliber it is. That I will judge this person differently if I am told. I'm neither of these things, that is not me. I thought by now that would be a fact and not just a thought. I care deeply about these people and to know there is something wrong and not knowing what it is hurts me, it really does.
 I want to help, but I can't help if I don't know what I am up against. It is like going into a battle without know the level of technology the others are fighting with. Swords don't go up against tanks and win. That just doesn't happen.
All I want, is something bigger than a sword. Big enough so I can take down that tank in the long run.

Other Side of the Fence

Since I can remember I've always been the one to put my heart out there. I have been to one to say "I know we are friends, but I'd like to be more if you feel that way too." I was the one whose heart ended up hurting in the long run. Always rejected never accepted. Never had I been the person to recieve that comment, that honor to have someone like me even though I may not like them back. Never, until now.

When you are aquaintences it doesn't hurt that much.
When you are friends its hurts but it is quite temporary
When you are best friends, you physically feel the pain as if you were the one being passed up.

 We are best friends and I could feel his heartbreak when I answered him with an unfavorable response. I've never thought so hard about what I would say to someone who, I think, is so close to me. I was physically shaking and feeling chest pains when I was answering. It felt as if my own heart were breaking.

Bigger Than This

There are problems in the world that are greater than my own.
But because these problems do not have a direct impact on my day to day life I put them aside; we all do this.
Sometimes I get wrapped up in my own problems so much that I am blind to things going on arounnd me.
However, I am a person who steps back and tries to see the bigger picture in everything I do.

Today I stepped back and looked at what was going on around me.
The issues of friends, family, and strangers that I can help with.
Their problems are much bigger than the issues I am facing.
I feel the need to push back my minuscule problems, that even yesterday were all I could think about, to help these people.
These friends who are my family.

Any Day

Rain dripping down the window
Mirror the tears that are dripping
Down my cheeks .
I thought by now
the pain would be gone,
just a scar
On this old soul.
Not a fresh scab
That is now pealing off painfully

I've listened to their advice
But nothing seems to help,
Help me heal.
I stopped trying to have
What I know I cannot have.

The pain is still so real
Thinking about it
Just releases more tears
I would love for the pain to stop,
But I know I would take the pain
Any day
If I knew I could have you back.

Healing Begins

Props to my good friend Kayla for showing me this song.

I needed to hear this.

Wading through the puddles of life

Life is sometimes like wading through puddles after a storm.
Before you step into it and break the surface,
you have no idea what is underneath.
The thing you thought were stable and permanent
Are mixed into surrounding waters
Changing the appearance of everything.
The water becomes murky ,
and it becomes hard to see the place where your foot was just standing
Or too deep and wets the cuff of your boot.
You feel the foot and wiggle your toes,
But you cannot see a thing.
How odd this feeling is.
To be continued. . .