Traffic Jam

My heart aches and creaks
As I lurch over the wheel in front of me
I can feel my pulse increasing
Too many thoughts are traveling
1000 miles and hour
down the highway of my mind
There is a traffic jam
between memories of her
and memories of him.
It starts to clear in the distance
but not before the drivers of these thoughts
have become angry and impatient.
They all want to go their own way
but the detours start to build
the frustrations start to multiply.
I want to get off this road
I want to go back
I want have the time I need
The time needed to go to these places.
Time I don't have
Time I will never have.

Self reminder.

I know I am loved. I am loved every hour of every day even though I don't feel it. But, I know I am loved. I realize that the affirmations of my peers are hollow and unfulfilling, that is why I constantly crave them. They do not fill the imaginary hole I have dug for these absent minded gestures. I need to realize that being left out from an activity by people who you call friends is non-exisitant. If they were your friends they would make an effort. Making the effort is how we build the relationships that will last for so long. I am done with pursuing false hope and expectations that I set for my 'friends' because they will never be fulfilled. ever.  Maybe it is just that is group of individuals is not the right fit for me, because I am feeling the blisters popping up from constantly being rubbed the wrong way and its causing me pain. So, I need to find a new place to fit in. A place that I can grow but still have protection. In this metaphor, camp is barefoot in a grassy meadow, free of constraint and it just feels damn good.