Thursday, December 30, 2010
Hole
I sleep to dream you, just to hold you
in my arms before the morning light shines through
In my dreams your love breaks all boundaries
but when I awake, there are still barricades
So many words are being left unsaid
and each word, a tiny hole in my chest.
You can see right through me now
eventually it will be like you never even saw me
Even now when I see you
I feel you don't see me.
They say "Give it time"
Time does not heal all wounds
Time is just a number
Time is not a hug, or a calming word
Time is just a number
Time is something you won't give me
I want to be able to breathe again.
I have no lungs around you
I want to get my words out, right
I have to improve the silence
You have no idea whats running through my mind
But I want you to know
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A short poem
A blistering cold fortress surrounds my every move
mother nature has forsaken me once again.
She's ruining my festive plans
A meadow beckons my name
I wait to see it in its new white blanket
A family awaits my arrival.
I wait to feel their loving warmth
mother nature has forsaken me once again.
She's ruining my festive plans
A meadow beckons my name
I wait to see it in its new white blanket
A family awaits my arrival.
I wait to feel their loving warmth
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Dave Matthews Band - Where Are You Going
Where are you going?
With your long face
Pulling down
Don't hide away
Like an ocean
That you can't see but you can smell
And the sound of the waves crash down
I am no Superman
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero
Oh, that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Are you looking for answers
To questions under the stars?
Well, if along the way
You are grown weary
You can rest with me until
A brighter day and you're okay
I am no Superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero
Oh, that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Where do you go?
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
I am no Superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero
Oh, that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is here you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Tell me, where are you going?
Where?
Well, let's go
With your long face
Pulling down
Don't hide away
Like an ocean
That you can't see but you can smell
And the sound of the waves crash down
I am no Superman
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero
Oh, that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Are you looking for answers
To questions under the stars?
Well, if along the way
You are grown weary
You can rest with me until
A brighter day and you're okay
I am no Superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero
Oh, that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Where do you go?
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
I am no Superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero
Oh, that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is here you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be
Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Tell me, where are you going?
Where?
Well, let's go
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I recently fell in love with this song. It flows so well and is one of those songs that you put on to kick back and relax.
For the First Time
I prayed before I sang. My dad use to do this before every solo he ever had and, for as far as I can remember, he was always spot on and beautiful. He did this because he always got nervous but then he remembered that everything was in God's hands. This lifted his burden of having to do it perfect for the congregation and instead focusing on the Lord. Tonight I took my dad's advice and it worked. I really prayed to Her before I went up to sing. Another first was that went I went up to sing I did not start to shake like I always do. I was calm and happy and I actually felt relaxed like I do when I sing in front of my parents alone. Needless to say, I'm going to be putting my singing into Her hands more often.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
My Constants
My life is constantly changing around me with new people, new problems, and new situations every day. However, there are things that I know for sure that will not change, and they are the bracelets that I wear around my wrist everyday. Each bracelet has and meaning and memory of its own that reminds me every time I look down at my hand. The bracelets are a variety of types such as silly bands, hemp, friendship bracelets, and a watch. I could write forever about all of my bracelets, so I will only focus on the sillybands.
My first bracelet is a pink, glow in the dark, sea star silly band. It was the first thing I ever received from the camp I attend, Camp Johnsonburg. I was working in the pool assisting the lifeguards when a little camper came up to me and gave me this silly band. I asked around to other campers to see if anyone had lost one but no one responded, so onto my wrist it went. Before this event I thought that silly bands were stupid, flimsy pieces of rubber and a ridiculous waste of money without any use other than to start fights among small children. Now, I have three different ones that would make me cry if I ever lost one.
The second bracelet is a blue, glow in the dark, canoe shaped silly band that was given to me by my LT sister Julie Wallwork after a “tragic” even happened. It was during the first week of out LT summer together when Julie took off all her sillybands to go into the pool and gave them to the lifeguard for safe keeping. The lifeguard put them in his pocket with a camper’s sillybands without realizing. What happened was the camper went back to the lifeguard for his sillybands, but instead of just giving the camper his own sillybands he gave him all of the sillybands including Julie’s. She only had around six but they all meant something different and were special to her nonetheless. The lifeguard was upset that he messed up big time so to make it up to Julie he went out to a store during the weekend when staff had off and bought her a twenty-four pack of glow in the dark, camp themed sillybands. Julie was very happy that he did this for her and decided to share the wealth with her LT siblings. There were trees, canoes, teepees, bears, squirrels, and moose to choose from each in blue, pink, orange, or green. I chose the blue canoe because it reminded me of the lake at camp and I also just like the color blue. Julie chose to keep the orange teepee and until this very day it hands from her keys.
The last sillyband I have is a green alien and the only one this is not glow in the dark. This sillyband was the only one not given to me directly at camp. The sillyband was originally my LT sister Katie’s from a pack of special edition Toy Story sillybands in honor of Toy Story 3 that was coming out in movie theatres. She got the sillybands from her secret friend during week three of our LT summer. During that third week she let our LT siblings have a sillyband if they wanted one, but I never did because I always forgot to ask her for one. After we all left camp my LT family and I planned a mini reunion at Katie’s home up in Howell the weekend before school started. While we were at the reunion and in Katie’s den I saw the sillyband. I wanted to add in to the sillyband collection on my wrist so I asked Katie if I could have it since I never got one during camp and she was happy for me to have it.
Each sillyband has a meaning and a memory that I think of whenever I see it. The pink sea star reminds me of the generosity and love I get at camp. The blue canoe reminds me of my LT siblings, especially Julie, and all the amazing adventures we went on the three glorious weeks we were together. Last but not least, the green alien reminds me of my siblings and the reunion and how great friends each of them are and of the reunion we had. These bracelets keep the memories fresh in my mind like they each happened yesterday. They are my constant reminder of a time when everything was happy and loving and I was, almost, never upset or sad.
Thank you for the love <3
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Homework with a purpose
I recently got my application for working the summer at Johnsonburg in the mail. As I went over the application looking the the information I am going to need such as references, basic info and such, on the last page there are a series of questions. One the questions is "Using your own words, write a personal statement of faith." My first reaction was this is a piece of cake, I'll just look at my statement of faith from confirmation. Then I realized, that statement of faith reflects nothing because what I wrote was a typical s.o.f that was just me answering questions about what I believe. I wrote down what I knew session and everyone would want to hear, nothing from the heart.
So now I sit at the beginning of my journey, again, in writing my statement of faith. This time it's for a purpose greater than doing it just for session. I am doing this for me... and Johnsonburg, but mainly myself. I should be able to define what I believe in without superficial answers.
I have until the 28th to do it but I'm going to start now. This is amazing since i'm the worlds greatest procrastinator.
So now I sit at the beginning of my journey, again, in writing my statement of faith. This time it's for a purpose greater than doing it just for session. I am doing this for me... and Johnsonburg, but mainly myself. I should be able to define what I believe in without superficial answers.
I have until the 28th to do it but I'm going to start now. This is amazing since i'm the worlds greatest procrastinator.
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