I am Gonna Make it Through This Year if it Kills Me.

It's time for a change. Actually, it is time for a lot of changes.

Process

Their words come in waves
Anger
Sadness
Anxiety
They all hit me

Like a wave crashing to the shore
Or what is feels like more
A punch to a personal punching bag
A bag absent of sand and filled with pieces of me
All of me.

It is not their fault,
I let them beat to an emotional pulp
And all that is left
my shell of a heart barely beating

But it is still beating
I still hold on
because there is something to hold on too
Like an almost deflated balloon
I am constantly brought back to life

Her words of encouragement
Lift up my heart and dust off its edges
Even though our lives run in different directions
We always find the time
To sit down
and talk
I am fed by her words

and the tea helps too

Shells

The things you said have drained
 and are now empty shells
But I still keep them safe
 hidden in the back of my mind
Careful not to crush them
 any more than the first time
I am so afraid to loose them
 to loose the memories attached
As the ocean moves in closer and closer
 this sand castle is so close to washing into the see
We knew it would happen eventually
 but not right now to you and me
The mixes we shared
 pieces of our soul attached to each one
I wish you were still here
 but then again
 that wish is hallow too
 just like you.