Bring Me Back

My heart longs for what once was
Yet is deterred by the feeling
That still lingers in this place

A bitter taste that fills my mouth
For there are words that I can no long speak to you
Out of the fear that you will reject me once more

That is a feeling I cannot bear again,
It stung my face and closed my throat
like an allergic reaction to your words

Break me out of this prison
Make me feel the love I once felt
that surged through my body like electricity

Fill my mouth once again with word so sweet
bring me back into your arms
where I want to stay forever

The Mountains

I miss the mountains,
all the dizzy highs and valley lows.
I miss the mountains
where the northern winds blow.

But we are stuck in this valley, I fear,
Of fear.
I refuse to let comfort weigh me down
chaining me to the valley below.

I want to go to the mountains
and drive until the sunrise peeks
over your highest peaks
bringing tears into the corners of my eyes.

I want to live in the mountains,
so I can view all that the sky has to offer
and so I can feel just a little bit taller.

I want to live in the mountains
where the air seems just a little thin.
Where the clouds sometimes
are carpets below our feet.

I want to live in the mountains,
not alone but with you.
Because, my dearest friend, we could climb
any mountain we choose.

I want to break free into the mountains
With you by my side
and a dream in my mind.

But until then.
I'll let time rust the chains
so when the time comes
It'll be easier to break.

Heavy Soul

I was high once
Higher than the clouds
Now I carry a heavy soul
forcing me to the ground

But I still can look up

Give Thanks

2013 has been a roller coaster of emotion, but I'm learning to be thankful for every minute of it. It didn't start out too hot with getting a phone call three days after Christmas what ended my relationship with someone who I thought loved me. I am thankful for news that shapes who I am

The next month I received another call with bad news from my father; my grandmother was in the hospital and wasn't going to make it to tomorrow. She passed away 20 minutes before I got there to see her which has continually haunted me every day since, but I'm dealing. I am eternally thankful for my grandmother and my new found respect for my family.

In March I decided that Green Mountain College was not where I was meant to be and I transferred to Eastern Mennonite University in the fall. I am thankful for change.

In April, well, nothing monumental really happened in April. 

In May I got to experience working at a camp other than Johnsonburg for the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. I also began my first preseason working along side my big camp sister Colleen who I am continually blessed to know. She also made one of my dreams come true by taking me to my first Josh Ritter and being that cool wasn't enough and she pulled some magical strings with her new found friend Austin (guitarist for the Royal City Band) to get us passes to meet him and talk with him. I cried. It was amazing. I am thankful for Colleen.

June was a pretty cool month. I got to drive for 11 hours in one day hitting 6 different states and testing my ability to be up for 24 hours straight without a nap. The next week after that adventure I got to meet a really great guy from Wisconsin, Mike, and we became friends after talking underneath the cabana overhang during a thunderstorm. I am thankful for new beginnings

In July, I struggled with the change camp was going through, not really understanding what was happening scared me shitless. My emotions and patience for the summer staff were running thin, and I had not idea what I could possibly do to help which made me even more upset. At the end of July I truly contemplated quitting because I was so upset, but I couldn't because I was there for the kids not my fellow staff and my campers helped me be a better counselor. I am thankful for campers.

I spent a lot of time with my friend Ann in August because I was not sure how much longer I would have the convenience of being so close to her, Harry, and the kids. We baked a lot when I was out of unit week seven and she taught me so much about not only baking but also life. She is a great friend like that. During the staff meeting of week seven, I really can just remember the amount of tears that flooded the room when Harry announced that he did not get the job at Johnsonburg. Over the next couple of months I understood more and more of what happened which helped a little. I am thankful for Ann, Harry, their kids, Lorelei, and Kurt.

In September, my relationship with Mike continued to grow as we learned more and more about each other. Field hockey was in full swing and I had the opportunity to bond with a great group of ladies that I did not take advantage of as much as I should have. I did take advantage of the rock climbing course that was offered and was able to gain more experience in rock climbing (and also got some wicked awesome leg and arm muscles). I am thankful for my health.

October was the best month of the year in my opinion. I spent four days in Ohio with Mike where he asked me to be his girlfriend. Those four days were magical. We learned so much about each other and our emotions were confirmed when we told each other we loved each other. I am thankful for Mike.

And here we are at the end of November. I am high as a kite and I'm not on drugs. My sister and I are finally acting like civil human beings to each other and are acting more like good sisters than two people who don't talk to each other. I am thankful for my sister and my's relationship.

Chicago by Sufjan Stevens

I fell in love again
All things go, all things go
Drove to Chicago
All things know, all things know

We sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow

We had our mindset
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go

I drove to New York
In a van with my friend
We slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind

I was in love with the place
In my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow

We had our mindset
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go

If I was crying
In the van with my friend
It was for freedom
From myself and from the land

I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow

We had our mindset
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow

We had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
All things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)

You had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
All things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)

_________________________________________
I am in love with song, seems like my life is mirrored in this song.

My Adventure for June 15th and 16

View Larger Map

Looks like a lot of driving but its barely even 13 hours!

The Breakdown:
5 hours from Camp to EMU
5.5 hours from EMU to Erin's House
2.5 hours from Erin's House to Camp

Seems legit.

My Personal Action Plan

This is actually an assignment for a final due today, May 3rd.

Ever since 2011 when I became a camp counselor, I have loved working with kids especially in relation to team building facilitation. I have practiced the skills I was trained to do in my first ropes facilitation workshop through many leadership roles at Camp Johnsonburg. I have helped lead a team building workshop in the fall of 2012 and constantly look for more ways to use my skills and to practice them so one day I might become a "master" leader. In the summer of 2012 I had a Ropes Director, Vinnie Westphal, who was an excellent leader and mentor to me. He is an exemplary example of what I would like to become as a ropes facilitation. He and I have similar characteristic in facilitation such as being a good listener, staying focuses, giving good directions, having an interest in what is going on, and competency. In regards to competency however, he has much more knowledge then I do. Skills and qualities that he has that I lack are having superb encouraging and motivational skills, making sure everyone knows his or her responsibilities, giving adequate feedback, and connecting with participants past the "I'm the facilitator you are the participant" level.  Even as I assess my skills and knowledge now, I still recognize I have a long road a head of me in become the facilitation I admire to be.

I have brainstormed several different ways in which I could gain and practice my skills for the future so I might grow in my experiences. The first of these is continuing with the Johnsonburg Presbyterian Camp and Conference Center as a facilitator. This place gives me the practice I need to continue growing and using the experiences I will gain from other places such as the Essentials of Challenge Course Technology class at GMC. Secondly, I would like to constantly expand my knowledge on the subject by completing a Level 1 certification through High5! once I have the funds to do so. Another way I will gain new ideas to facilitate is to read materials from people who do this for a living like Jim Cain. Seeing and going to one of his workshops at the American Camp Association was very beneficial by not only learning new activities I might be able to use, but also by examining the way he talked to the group and facilitated us during the workshop. Lastly, I would like to practice giving feedback to my peers so that one day where I am in a high leadership position, such as the Ropes director at my camp, I will be able to do it with as much grace, reflection, and help as Vinnie did in 2012.