From the Broken Quilt

Each breath I take reminds me that you are not there for me.

No longer are you there to hold my hand when I am scared.

The memory of you here pains me to think about the times we shared. 

But we both knew it would not last forever. This has given me more strength  to go on.

It has showed me that with every raincloud there is a silver lining & that there is healing in the tears shed.

I've found more to life than you, even though I thought you were my everything, and I yours. Life goes on even through all the pain and the loneliness. I have tools better than you. 

Laughter
Friends
Family
Music
Camp
Love
Hugs
Summers
Beaches
Cuddling
Sharing stories
Star tripping
Life.

Things Get Better

There was a time
When I thought
This is it

This is all we are
ever going to be
Two people
With memories
That is all

I am gladly wrong
Wrong that we
would never talk again
Wrong that everything
Is set in the past
There is a future

A future that wouldn't
have been expected
Only a short while ago
But situations change
People change

The change has let me in
Has allowed you back in
We've both grown
Matured in a sense
That has let me tell you
What I can barely
Let the people closest know.
There is hope

There is hope for a friendship
To rise from these
stone cold ashes
Scattered around our feet
They no longer
burn under my feet.
They are there.

I can't help but wonder
What will come of this?
Will this bring us closer?
What am I looking for?
Am I looking for something?
Or just someone?
Time will tell. 

The Things I'll Miss

As much as I want a change of scenery, I know for sure that there are a couple things that I will miss about what lays before me now.
I will miss the wind coming off the ocean right before a storm.
I will miss the smell of low tide.
I will miss summer afternoons when seagulls are everywhere in the sky.
I will miss the foggy mornings that I hate driving in but I like the challenge of not seeing 20 ft in front of my face.
I will miss the luxury of having the beach so close to me.
I will miss the aroma of late spring when you can just feel summer coming. 
I will miss the lack of snow when it is most convenient.
I will miss the fact Ocean County closes their school when it only snows a couple of inches.
I will miss laying outside and thinking that I've been in this town since I was born and there are still new things I have yet to see.
I will miss lighthouses.
I will miss the smell of the rain because I know it's different anywhere else.
I will miss the "ugly" pitch pines that line the parkway and are virtually everywhere I look. 
I will miss Wawas (oh SO much)
I will miss how flat the ground is and how much harder it is to longboard here than anywhere else I know of.
I will miss things I didn't think I'd miss probably. 
Lacey Township (specifically Forked River) had been my home for almost 18 years now. I never realized how much of it all I took for granted until now. As much as I loathe the saying,  it stands true for just about everything. "You don't know what you got till it's gone" 

I forgot

I forgot that we actually
enjoy
talking to each other.
That I look forward
to seeing your name pop up.
That all the bullshit
was just temporary.

I forgot you
But you've come back
Into my life.
But it's a different you though.

You don't give me butterflies
You are a friend
That is it.
Nothing more
and I think
I like it better that way.
I know I do.

I give you more respect now
What you did was hard.
I now know it was
A good thing
That the absent face you had
It was the only way.

Yes. I was hurt
A couple people were.
But some things
Can't be done
without a little pain.

Sometimes Life...

Is a great ball of nasty that you just have to vomit up. I am so sick right now.  Brb dying.

I miss Camp.

3 out of the 5 weekends in march I was at camp. In April, I have been at camp for a total of 14 hours. I am going through some serious camp withdrawals and I now won't be back up till the end of May! What is this nonsense?! I need camp more than anything right now. Things in my life.could definitely be better than they are right now. I want to be surrounded by the love that only camp can bring.  But since I cannot be there this weekend, I am glad that I have some great friends here where I am to get me by.  I love you guys& I'm up for a tea time any time.

Time is Sometimes Irrelevant

How quickly and quietly emotions change. Very interesting. Some things should have been better off not said. Now I am in a hole and not sure how to go forth on my way to get out of it.