please note this is not a pity party for myself, just whats on my mind

I have no friends. I do, but at the same time I don't. I have people who i call my friends but they don't act the way i would think a friend would. sure each friend has their place i see them, but which of these friends will actually ask me to come over or hang out somewhere. everyone who i am closest with are the farthest away in distance or age. everyone is so far away from me i feel like i myself am slipping away. everything seems so grim and upsetting. i feel like no matter where i go or what i do, there is this darkness lurking behind me ready to grab me and pull me in. It makes me question everything about myself and then once i question and look for the answers to the question all that is there are negative answers. it gives me headaches and enough tears to flood half of this town. All there is, is negative because all the positive goes out with the praise i give other people. i am draining myslef of all things positive to give to other people, but there isn't an endless supply of happiness. i'm running on empty with nowhere to go to refill. i just want to curl up into a little ball and go to sleep for a long long time. I want to be like snow white waiting in that glass coffin waiting for someone to wake me up from the long sleep and introduce me to a world thats new and good. a place where i can accept praise and give it freely without everthing that's happening now to ever happen again. there is no one here who has what i need. so i'm going to just wait. I don't know what to do in the meantime. i don't think i can spend a minute left alone.